How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
