i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
