guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
