This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
