You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
