i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
