Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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