Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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