part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
