She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize