Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i love accidental penises.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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