I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your cock deserves a montage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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