My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
