you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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