good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
