U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
