Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
