Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
