I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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