maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dicks are not precious.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
