I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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