first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
