ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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