my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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