You smell like a Billy Joel song
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
