Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
