TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
