If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
