This girl is more easily done than said...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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