i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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