I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
