Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
