he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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