Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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