You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She bit a glass in half.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
