look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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