So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
