I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
