i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
