And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
