Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
