a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
