I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
