my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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