Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
