Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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