I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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