why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize