Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
