i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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