there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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