I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
