Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
