We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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