i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
