I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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