I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
