I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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