Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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