Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
