tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This baby is an asshole
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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