I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
