She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
