I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well you can't waste a boner
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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