so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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