then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize